Archive for March, 2008
Topsy Turvy
Monday, March 3rd, 2008 | Anything | No Comments
My beliefs the past few days have been completely turned around. What I thought might be true, or what I believed to be true began to sink and I questioned my own set of beliefs. Were they right? Why do I think this way?
This began a rather depressing and downhill pattern that got me wondering why I even need to have beliefs, or why there has to be anything that matters. This became quite an energy drain and after two days of this chain of thought (which I realised wasn’t very healthy), I began to search for answers through my meditation and so last night, I meditated…
I figured out a few things, but the most important was to stop looking for meaning in everything I do, as nothing will come of it, no matter how successful. I need to stop trying to fit the universe into neat little boxes of meaning and to let it go. I’ve realised that I’m dying in a way, but not in a way that would simulate negativity, but rather a founding of newness, a fresh way of experiencing existence and the only way I’ll be happy in life is to just ride the wave of novelty.
This was quite possibly the most profound meditation session I’ve ever had and it meant a lot to me, because it answered almost directly exactly what I was going through and through it I found a calm, a reassurance despite what I was going through was being questioned. It doesn’t really matter in hindsight, as I think it’s all just part of the path of learning that I have set myself upon and continue to experience. I’m looking forward now, as this new revelation makes me happier, which is ironic really, because I’m happy about nothing =)